STARDUST FOREVER - Certain bands are always associated with certain cities or towns - Liverpool had the Beatles, New York had the Velvet Underground, Frankie had Hollywood. Falkirk has Lieutenant Stardust - though sometimes they don't realise it.

In the mid 1990s someone told me about a band who dressed like stuntmen from the Rocky Horror Show playing some of the best bloody music they had ever heard. They were a party on legs, an organic jukebox, a living, breathing, sweating compilation tape of the finest toe-tapping, head-banging, soul-stirring tunes ever created.   Sadly - some would say stupidly - I never went to see this band. I think they were called Sgt Starbar or something.

Anyway, I left Falkirk for the gold paved streets of Darlington. Years passed and I found myself back in Falkirk writing nonsense for the local rag. Someone told me about a band who dressed like stuntmen from the Rocky Horror Show playing some of the best bloody music they had ever heard. The band have changed (wherefore art thou Dak? Goodbye Sly. Live long and prosper Rocket man) but some say they sound as good, if not better, than ever. I would say that, but only because the band are paying off the debts I racked up with my £10 a day cinnamon ball habit.

One day, however, the ever-youthful Mr Dust will in fact turn to dust, Eric- Shaun Hardie will go soft, Boaby Rash will succumb to the Spinal Tap drummer's curse and Dickie Decibel will stand too close to his amp. What then? Who will future generations of Falkirk bairns get their rocks off to? Some say Mr Dust is already busy working on the problem in the labs below Stardust Mansion. No one knows what he's planning, but I've heard DNA and clones were mentioned. Or was that clowns? Anyway, who cares

Stardust will never die!

  "Jean Claude Van Glam" - card carrying Stardust fan & used tissue collector.